Tumor Boyfriend

A typical tumor boyfriend, enjoying finger food and re-runs of "Desperate Housewives" while his girlfriend is at work.

The Tumor Boyfriend is your friend or sibling's significant other (never YOURS; Tumor Boyfriend specifically refers to SOMEONE ELSE'S partner) who is particularly annoying.

Features of the Tumor Boyfriend are: he is always around, he always eats your food, he doesn't especially contribute anything to social get-togethers including the couple, and the woman does all the talking.

The relationship usually moves quickly to live-in as within two months, inevitably the Tumor Boyfriend will be out of work, and need somewhere to crash. At first he will stay on your roommate's couch for a few days, but eventually he will be your new roommate.

As annoying as he is to you, there is a social contract between Tumor Boyfriends and the women that they partner with. Tumor Boyfriends seem to good listeners, always willing to give a massage, often can play three songs on the guitar, and are good at some offbeat skill, such as needlepoint or macrame. And they always seem to be superior in bed to all other men, as if this were the specialized skill for which they were born.

There seems to be no homosexual or female equivalent. For some reason, this seems strictly a phenomenon of heterosexual males, perhaps because they have not been socialized to be productive stay-at-home partners.