Come to Japanland!

Gwen Stefani, Japanlandian Ambassador to the UN, welcomes you to Japanland.

Japanland is a compound noun meaning 'The Land of Japan'. It is not strictly speaking the country of Japan itself, but rather a nation built on the ideals of outsiders. Citizens are called "Japanlandians". Japanland's relations with its "mother country" have been tense at times, as many Japanese find Japanlandians obnoxious, but Japan continues to export its material culture for Japanlandian consumption and Japanlandians continue to pay for that material culture.

Japanlandians are dominantly Caucasian. They have always proudly insisted that their culture has existed throughout time. There is some evidence that Japanland was founded in the late 1890s. The largest wave of immigration began in the 1970s, after the Right of Return was passed for Japanlandians living abroad. Spurred by the recent popularity of the Japanlandian classic cultural canon, which includes works such as "Space Battleship Yamato", Japanlandians began emigrating to Japanland by the thousands. They recently elected an emperor.

Emperor Jason I's tears are a valued commodity abroad, as they cure infertility.

Emperor Jason I is a tall, thin young man with flowing silver hair, who was selected for his androgynous sex appeal. He is surrounded at all times by his ninja secret service, who are best avoided because they have been known to, like, "totally flip out and kill people". The correspondent who observed this, described it as "totally sweet".

The ninja guard are however necessary because of the significant indigenous population of homo sapiens felis, whose females, upon reaching puberty, undergo a cyclical frenzy during each and every oestrus cycle. The hordes of these frenzied females pose a very real danger to the life and limb of Emperor Jason.

A female of the subspecies H. Sapiens Felis, which can be found in all parts of Japanland.

He is said to be desired by many males as well, and due to the natural heirarchy of this species, females will clear aside to watch glassy-eyed, in rapt fascination, if an attractive male approaches the Emperor. They will then celebrate this occurance in story and song. This is the only safety he is provided other than his ninja guard.

At times, however, the sadness and beauty of the world overcomes the Emperor, and he retreats to his private study. His tears run down his polished floor to collect in collecting basins. They are then bottled and exported at the price of five million yen per bottle as a fertility treatment. Due to the intricacies of America's health care system, these end up sold to patients at the price of one million dollars per ampoule.

A member of Japanland's armed forces.

In addition to his ninja guard, Emperor Jason is the commander in chief of the armed forces, which consist of samurai, elite ground forces, and several squadrons of fighter jets. At times the samurai as well become overcome by the angst of the world, or distracted by each other, and the fighter jets (which are sentient, but do not have the full range of human emotion) must fight the entire war. Fortunately Japanland is a peaceful nation and has yet to actually have required the services of its armed forces in any protracted conflict.

Military service in Japanland is compulsory. Nearly everyone is required to be a samurai at some point, unless they are the lucky few (who possess special powers) who are selected for Emperor Jason's personal guard. Military service however provides excellent benefits, such as delicious food.

Japanlandian marriage and sexual customs are unique. Most Japanlandians believe themselves to be designated a soulmate at birth. Marriages last for life, except that commonly one member will die a tragic death soon after the marriage is consummated, leaving the other party bereft and alone.

If a male Japanlandian reaches 18 and is still a virgin, he will be issued a supernatural or robotic companion. If he is attractive, then troubadors sing of the idea that any other male Japanlandian will gladly mate with him, but this is more urban legend than fact.