Not all Sweater Men prefer Messenger Bag Girls. Many MBGs are (as my colleague puts it) a bit on the "Diablo" side. The Diablo MBG's "ironic" appropriation of masculine traits, love of South Park, many male friends, and constant sarcasm, will eventually begin to grate if the Sweater in question is thin-skinned. He may also get tired of talking about sex.
He may grow tired of hearing about the latest technology, and getting CC'd for every new internet meme, or being told that Rickrolling or some other meme that he has managed to "catch up on" is "so five minutes ago".
Worse, many Sweater Men simply cannot keep up with the sexual appetites of their Messenger Bag Girls. The right to freely and voraciously enjoy sex, for many Messenger Bag Girls, is one more thing on a long list of items (including equal pay) to which they feel entitled.
It can also be heartbreaking for the Sweater who only wants to connect to his partner, and read poetry together, but the partner wants to check Slashdot or Kuro5hin first... and ends up stuck on the computer for three hours because there is always something she MUST blog.
Many Sweaters long for the empathy, sensitivity and beauty that only they understand.
To deal with this problem, many Sweaters (of either physical sex) become homosexual - they only love other Sweaters.
This means that their partners are uniquely suited to understanding the trials and tribulations of Sweater life, and have a compatible mp3 playlist.
It is not easy for gay Sweaters, however. Finding a compatible mate is difficult, let alone finding any mate at all, and for those Sweaters who are past college age - thus denying them the best opportunity to meet their own kind - the Sweater equivalent of a gay bar was invented.
This place is known, commonly, as a coffeehouse.
Coffeehouses are ideal places for Sweaters to meet, connect, and perform all the stages of courtship that lead up to the ultimate act of Sweater Love consummation: attending a concert together, preferably of a local independent band that few people have heard of.
The next essay will detail the stages of gay sweater courtship, from meeting to the mating dance (including the Sweater Stare and the Almost-Hand-Touch) to when the relationship is finally consummated.
I will also discuss the current advances and setbacks in the fight for marriage equality for gay Sweaters.
Stay tuned.
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